But I'm still plugging along. Although it's been hard to get back into the groove after moving down to NC, I still have that urge to get out there in run. I took about 3 weeks off, and then decided I needed to get back into it. At first, I could seriously run one mile. It was pathetic. But today, I finally ran over 3 miles. Whew.
Let me just say, no matter how shitty I'm feeling, if I go for a run, I feel 100 times betetr afterwards. I love the feeling after a run and I can understand why people get addicted to it. Like today, I was feeling fat and I had a massivr headache.. I went for a run, I feel better about myself and my headache is gone.. I may not be the best runner, I'm surely not the fastest but, I enjoy it and I am always proud to say I'm a runner, and hopefully always will be.
Okay so, as far as weight goes though, I'm getting heavy again. I'm up to 132ish. YUCK. I just wish I could stay 125. That would be so perfect. I hate being so self conscience about my weight. It's so hard to go from 180 to 125 and then fluctuate between 125 and 135. I just wish I could get it under control and keep it under control.
I'm so totally rambling today - but you know, I can't go out of the house in a bathing suit unless Aaron takes a picture of me. I have to look at that picture and decide weather or not I'm skinny enough to go out in a bikini.. If I think I look fat, I'll put a pair of shorts and a tank top on.. if I think I look okay, I'll wear the bikini but when I get to the beach, I'll keep my shorts on.. I'm so selfconsciencde about my theighs and butt.. thats kind of sick, right?
I hope some day I can get over it and feel comfortable enough in my own skin to bare it all..
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